Six months ago I dusted off the cobwebs of my old friend and started back up my blog - but with different intentions this time around. This time, I felt like I had a lot to say, and a lot of things were rolling around in my restless mind. I wasn't really concerned if people would read it or not, I just needed a space and a place to put down my thoughts. I've never been good at keeping baby books for the girls - it's just one extra thing that I forget to do. So, in a way, this is my [online] book to them. Excerpts, ramblings, thoughts, messages, real and raw feelings. Maybe one day they can look back on this or I can print it out for them. Until then, this is what I have to offer.
When we first found out we were excepting our first baby, I knew she was a girl from the very beginning. I dreamed about her, tried to imagine what she would look like, prayed she would have Aaron's green eyes. We talked about her, named her, and tried to imagine who in the world she would be. Now, for those of you that have had the privilege of meeting Ava, you will understand me when I say that we could have never in a million years dreamed her up. She's a spitfire, she's free-spirited and carefree. I swear this child has the blood of wild mustangs pulsing through her veins. She's a paradox, literally. She's hot and she's cold, she's outgoing and shy, she quick-tempered and sensitive. She will go toe-to-toe with the best of them and not back down. The child has me so exhausted at the end of the day, mentally and physically. Our connection wasn't instant (gasp! did she just say that?) and at times we still struggle to find our common ground, because we are polar opposites. She craves adventure and I crave comfort. She craves understanding and knowing why and I just trust in the why. We are Yin & Yang. Now, don't get me wrong! I love that little girl with every single fiber of my being - she's half me and half Aaron, and I can not wait to see what wonderful, powerful and important things are in store for her and her life as she grows up and finds her way in this world. If she's not a writer, musician, politician or runs her own small country some day then I know nothing. But I'm not going to lie to you, I hit my knees often and ask God why this wild and beautiful creature was gifted to me. What possible gifts do I possess that she needs, and what can I possibly offer her? I know she was created specifically for me, but its an incredibly hard concept to understand right now because I feel as though I'm failing her most of the time. I know we'll get there, though. It's all part of the dance.
Then came Charlotte, sweet, sweet Charlotte. I remember we talked about the 'idea' of her and the next thing you know she was on her way. We were convinced she was going to be a boy, but boy were we wrong ! Aaron and I battled over her name for months and he finally gave in a let me have my way. Our connection was instant, her birth was the only one that I actually cried during - shhh, don't tell the others! She's super sweet, has a very sensitive nature, possesses an amazing imagination, talks with a Boston accent, loves to eat snacks (not dinner, just snn-acks) and has this super infectious giggle that starts in the belly and just resonates throughout her entire body. I could listen to that sound all day long. She loves to cuddle and she still sleeps with her blanket covering one eye, the other one uncovered to check for lions. She still gives kisses, picks her nose and wants to be like her big sister. She also has a stubborn streak, which I'm sure comes from being pushed around - but she is very clever. I call her my sly fox. She has this uncanny ability to talk you out of just about anything, here's an example: "Charlotte, eat your dinner please." "What color are your eyes mom?" "Charlotte, please- eat." "Are they green or brown?" "Eat, please!" "Mine's are green, like daddy's - you's has brown eyes like Ava... what color are Naomi's?" "Charlotte, eat now." "Hmm...hey dad, what did you do on the farm today, fix things?" "Charlotte!" "Cinderella has blue eyes because she has a blue dress, I'm going to be Cinderella. That's cool, right? That I'm going to be Cinderella? Hey, what color are your eyes dad?" By the end of it, we are usually so confused and don't know what the origin of the conversation was...
Then came baby Naomi, the baby we decided to wait on. We weren't sure about a third and decided that now wasn't the time to add any more to our crew. The test came back positive five days later - so, I guess someone else had other plans for us. Now that she's here, I feel like she's my testimony child. She's taught me so much in her short time with us. Patience is the biggest thing that I've learned in this past year. Also, the realization that I'm not in control of all things. It's not my plan, it's someone else's. Currently, my days are long and somebody always, I mean always needs me. All day long my pant leg is pulled upon, my shoulder is tapped, my name is said repeatedly. Ham and cheese not peanut butter and jelly, crust but no crust..wait, yes crust..no, they said no crust, fork not spoon..wait- both fork and spoon, wash the blanket but no wait, don't wash it because they now can't live without it for even one second, pink shirt not blue..wait, yes blue shirt because C inderella wears blue...no scratch that because Sleeping Beauty wears pink and that's today's favorite, sneakers, not sandals, wait, yes sandals because my toes are sweating and I might melt, no definitely sneakers because, well I have no idea why...
But soon enough they will be all buckling themselves into the car by themselves, getting their own drinks and snacks from the kitchen, tying their own shoes, packing their own bags, reading their own stories and picking their own outfits out..well let's not kid ourselves, I'll always pick those out, ha! I'll miss the craziness and chaos just a tad because I know we will trade in this season for the next and that will present us with more uncharted waters. I'm so very thankful for them and the way that they have caused me to stretch and expand, in more ways than one-- they are each unique and special in their own way and while challenging at times they are teaching me important lessons. Every day in many, many different ways.
When we first found out we were excepting our first baby, I knew she was a girl from the very beginning. I dreamed about her, tried to imagine what she would look like, prayed she would have Aaron's green eyes. We talked about her, named her, and tried to imagine who in the world she would be. Now, for those of you that have had the privilege of meeting Ava, you will understand me when I say that we could have never in a million years dreamed her up. She's a spitfire, she's free-spirited and carefree. I swear this child has the blood of wild mustangs pulsing through her veins. She's a paradox, literally. She's hot and she's cold, she's outgoing and shy, she quick-tempered and sensitive. She will go toe-to-toe with the best of them and not back down. The child has me so exhausted at the end of the day, mentally and physically. Our connection wasn't instant (gasp! did she just say that?) and at times we still struggle to find our common ground, because we are polar opposites. She craves adventure and I crave comfort. She craves understanding and knowing why and I just trust in the why. We are Yin & Yang. Now, don't get me wrong! I love that little girl with every single fiber of my being - she's half me and half Aaron, and I can not wait to see what wonderful, powerful and important things are in store for her and her life as she grows up and finds her way in this world. If she's not a writer, musician, politician or runs her own small country some day then I know nothing. But I'm not going to lie to you, I hit my knees often and ask God why this wild and beautiful creature was gifted to me. What possible gifts do I possess that she needs, and what can I possibly offer her? I know she was created specifically for me, but its an incredibly hard concept to understand right now because I feel as though I'm failing her most of the time. I know we'll get there, though. It's all part of the dance.
Then came Charlotte, sweet, sweet Charlotte. I remember we talked about the 'idea' of her and the next thing you know she was on her way. We were convinced she was going to be a boy, but boy were we wrong ! Aaron and I battled over her name for months and he finally gave in a let me have my way. Our connection was instant, her birth was the only one that I actually cried during - shhh, don't tell the others! She's super sweet, has a very sensitive nature, possesses an amazing imagination, talks with a Boston accent, loves to eat snacks (not dinner, just snn-acks) and has this super infectious giggle that starts in the belly and just resonates throughout her entire body. I could listen to that sound all day long. She loves to cuddle and she still sleeps with her blanket covering one eye, the other one uncovered to check for lions. She still gives kisses, picks her nose and wants to be like her big sister. She also has a stubborn streak, which I'm sure comes from being pushed around - but she is very clever. I call her my sly fox. She has this uncanny ability to talk you out of just about anything, here's an example: "Charlotte, eat your dinner please." "What color are your eyes mom?" "Charlotte, please- eat." "Are they green or brown?" "Eat, please!" "Mine's are green, like daddy's - you's has brown eyes like Ava... what color are Naomi's?" "Charlotte, eat now." "Hmm...hey dad, what did you do on the farm today, fix things?" "Charlotte!" "Cinderella has blue eyes because she has a blue dress, I'm going to be Cinderella. That's cool, right? That I'm going to be Cinderella? Hey, what color are your eyes dad?" By the end of it, we are usually so confused and don't know what the origin of the conversation was...
Then came baby Naomi, the baby we decided to wait on. We weren't sure about a third and decided that now wasn't the time to add any more to our crew. The test came back positive five days later - so, I guess someone else had other plans for us. Now that she's here, I feel like she's my testimony child. She's taught me so much in her short time with us. Patience is the biggest thing that I've learned in this past year. Also, the realization that I'm not in control of all things. It's not my plan, it's someone else's. Currently, my days are long and somebody always, I mean always needs me. All day long my pant leg is pulled upon, my shoulder is tapped, my name is said repeatedly. Ham and cheese not peanut butter and jelly, crust but no crust..wait, yes crust..no, they said no crust, fork not spoon..wait- both fork and spoon, wash the blanket but no wait, don't wash it because they now can't live without it for even one second, pink shirt not blue..wait, yes blue shirt because C inderella wears blue...no scratch that because Sleeping Beauty wears pink and that's today's favorite, sneakers, not sandals, wait, yes sandals because my toes are sweating and I might melt, no definitely sneakers because, well I have no idea why...
But soon enough they will be all buckling themselves into the car by themselves, getting their own drinks and snacks from the kitchen, tying their own shoes, packing their own bags, reading their own stories and picking their own outfits out..well let's not kid ourselves, I'll always pick those out, ha! I'll miss the craziness and chaos just a tad because I know we will trade in this season for the next and that will present us with more uncharted waters. I'm so very thankful for them and the way that they have caused me to stretch and expand, in more ways than one-- they are each unique and special in their own way and while challenging at times they are teaching me important lessons. Every day in many, many different ways.
1 comment
This a perfect recap of your life Tiffany well said and so true.
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