Age - Is it really just a number?

I was reading a few articles on my phone before my kids woke up this morning and the headlines that I was seeing were so intriguing and quite judgemental. I'm typically a fan and watch the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise but I haven't had time to start this season yet and wasn't up on what the latest show gossip. It seems that this season there is a younger female contestant vying for the rose of an older male contestant (14 years her senior) on the show, it was just revealed to him and people are coming out with their opinions. Articles like-- 'He's More than a Decade Older Than Her..' --  'Arie to Rob the Cradle with 22 Year -Old Nanny' -- 'Her Age Might Present a Problem' -- and 'The Great Age Debate, How Young is too Young?'.

Ok, here's one of my problems with the situation/ controversy and I'll try and stay off of my soapbox on the issue and we will take the contestant's personality out of the mix for a moment. First, she's over the legal age as an adult to make her own decisions. Second, she's over the age stipulation that the show has in place for a contestant to apply to the show, that age is 21, shes 22. There have been 21-year-olds on this show in the past. Is 22 the new 21? Third, the show personnel interviewed her and place her on live television, not only knowing her age but knowing his age also. So either they felt she was mature enough to be on the show and be a strong contender or they just wanted ratings from the 'age debate'. That is something that I do not know, but nonetheless, she was cast and put out on display in front of the world and now her age and maturely level are up for public debate when it really is none of our business. And, I'm going to go somewhere 'hot button' for a moment-- if she was a man and he was a woman this 'debate' would be half the size it is, because, she would a 'cougar' and that would be cool.

Now, my other problem with this issue is a personal one. People can get pretty hung up on age. I know this from experience because I am, in fact, married to a man who is more than a decade older than I am...(gasp) he is 12 years my senior. When we met and started dating I was age 21 and he was age 33 and when we got married a year later I was 22 and he was 34. He would specifically get asked, "How old is she?". Had our age difference been about 5-8 years apart people would have moved right along but when the number 12 was thrown out there no one ever seems to quite able to move on from the topic. At the time I'm sure a lot of people, well, I know many had very specific things to say behind our backs. Comments such as, "He's too old for her." "He's robbing the cradle." "What do her parents say?" "She's too young with her whole life ahead of her, so it won't last." "He wants a family and to settle down and she probably wants to party." What if I had been 40 and he was 52 at the time? One thing is for sure! With this gap, no one is considered to be robbing the cradle. 

But they probably didn't know us, the real us, most likely they only knew us on the surface. No one was privy to our 5-hour conversations that involved everything including that very important topic about our age. Specifically, how we felt about it and what we knew other people would say. I especially remember the moment when he put the question right to me, "What do you want with a 33-year-old anyway? Wouldn't you want someone younger? Don't you think I'm too old for you?" to which I replied, "No, age is just a number and I don't care about your age." It was never brought up again, we went about our relationship, fell in love, got married and after 8 years together, 7 years married, and three children I'd say we made a good choice. We didn't care about the specific age range that society and our peers thought was acceptable, we were just 'us' and it worked. We would often joke that our mental maturity levels were both at age 27. I think that's one of the factors in a relationship that matters the most, if you can both connect on the same maturity level, have the same values and aspirations then anything can work. We celebrated Aaron as he rolled into his 40s and this year I get to celebrate moving into my 30s with him by my side. What remains consistent, however, is that all relationships have their fair share of hurdles, and take their fair share of work, for those young and old. Thank goodness we didn't live out our dating relationship on TV in front of the world for people to pick apart and become a headline for clicks. If other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem.

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” -Mark Twain