"Three Girls? I Feel Sorry for Their Father!"

This morning I was up early feeding and rocking our youngest Naomi like I usually do from 4:30-5 and was trying to think of a last minute craft we could make for my husband. With Sunday being Father's Day, it has had me reflecting on Aaron and what he means to all of us. This time of year is usually extremely busy on the farm; not as busy as harvest time, but a pretty close second. He's usually up before the sun and home way after sundown several nights a week. It's a good life, he is a hard-worker and I wouldn't want my girls to know him to be any other way. Of course they are kids and crave more daddy time, but he's so good about taking them along in the tractor or including them when he can so that I get a small break and they have some time with him.

As I'm reflecting and thinking about him and the kind of dad he is to our three little girls, I also think about the questions we get regularly like, "Are you sure your done?", "Don't you want to try for a boy?", "Your husband needs a son", "Girls are a lot of work, don't you want a boy?".  First of all, these comments come from many places, mostly strangers out in public (to which I will never understand) and at times our family and friends. Secondly, we started out our marriage with one child, then decided {ok let's go for a second} and then we let the last one up to chance and here she is! After the third we decided, {yes we are done}, our hearts and our hands and full. Lastly, I've never ever seen or heard my husband complain about having daughters.  If anyone was disappointed with the ultrasound results of number three it was me. Because yes, I so badly wanted to give my husband a son--a little boy to carry on his family name, to follow in his footsteps the way Aaron has followed in his fathers.  But the reality is "You get what you get and you don't complain." Every child, no matter their gender, is a gift from God. We had three healthy girls and none of their precious lives were a mistake. They were created just for us, perfectly pink. 

 

Now that our oldest two are at the ages of understanding what's being said around them and picking up on just about everything (little sponges) I cringe every time this topic is brought up, I'm smiling on the outside but dreading the words I know that I'm about to hear. I'm a mom, so naturally I worry, I worry that they will subconsciously hear from other people that their father should not be satisfied with his girls, that he should long for the boy we are never going to have. Kids are remarkable and resilient and at times thankfully unaware of things around them but they also take a lot to heart.

There is a specific moment that's burned into my memory from the other month when I had my oldest at the grocery store. We were checking out and the lady cashier was talking with Ava--my sweet girl was telling her all about her new baby sister and occasionally mentioning her other sister. The lady looks me square in the eyes and blurts out, "I feel so sorry for your husband, three girls..man that's rough." Now I could have had a few choice words to say but I tend to live my life on the passive side of the highway so I just nodded and went about my business. I did however glance at Ava to see if she noticed the comment and the gravity of it but thankfully she was happily oblivious to the comment and people-watching in the cashier lane beside us. As we walked out to the car, those words hung over me like heavy anchors weighting me down and I couldn't shake them. Although I've heard it all before, especially since finding out the gender of our third. I've developed a tough exterior my girls haven't and they will continue to get older and become more self aware of these comments. 

Don’t feel sorry for him. He is a good dad. A content dad with a heart overflowing with love. He is thankful for the three little girls we have been so blessed with. We are happy. We are satisfied with our lives, a boy would not make us happier nor our lives more complete. We have healthy children. He's not slighted because they are of the female gender because it's not all tea parties and tutus and barbies around here; these girls love to throw on their boots caked in manure and head up to the farm, puddle jump, run the isles of the dairy barn and feed the cows straight from their hands. We don't hold them back, we don't gender restrain them, we simply let them be kids--our kids who we were given for a purpose. The next time you feel sad or sorry for a family that has children of the same gender, think twice, that family is the way it's supposed to be. Its the way God intended it to be for at least that moment in time. This also goes for only children families, i’m an only child and I do believe that I’ve turned out to be a well adjusted adult and a decent human being even though I didn't grow up with siblings.

So when you see that girl dad at the store, don't feel bad for him because he has three weddings to pay for and will probably have to create a spreadsheet for bathroom time during those teenage years. There is a reason he was given all of those girls. Also, don't feel bad for the boy dad that you see wrangling his rambunctious boys in the parking lot because you're afraid he'll only know a life of baseball games, dump trucks and never know what it's like to go to a dance recital. It's ok. We are ok, we are families of same gender children and we are going to be just fine.

Blessings,
xoxo - Tiffany