Let's Bring Back the Village

There are days I wish I could be a parent and a mother from a different generation. I recently watched a video clip online (only slightly exaggerated and very true) depicting mothers today and how interactions can go in a social setting-- usually, I watch these, chuckle to myself and go about my day but this particular time it struck a chord with me and stayed with me all day. Here is the link to the video if you're interested in watching it.

After watching this and thinking back on various situations that I've found myself in over the past 6.5 years of being a mother I can honestly say that there are days that I wish I could have been a parent at a time when ‘it takes a village’ was actually a thing - not just a saying. It’s not that I don’t recognize how much we’ve accomplished so much in the past few decades and grown leaps and bounds. It’s also not because I don’t enjoy technology and social media (I mean, I AM a blogger!). It’s just that – it feels like a generation ago would have been a simpler time to be a mother, and a simpler time to raise a child. A generation ago would have been a time when children didn’t have a social calendar that rivals a celebrity; a time when mothers weren’t publicly shamed for their parenting choices; and a time when a simple search for parenting information would return a flood of conflicting “expertise,” causing us to lose sleep worrying that we are getting it all wrong. Before a world of helicopter parents and lawnmower parents. Before we were a society that described parenting in terms like “attached parenting” and “detached parenting.” The days before we had to go Facebook to catch up with and check in on with family only to scroll through our feed and have anxiety attacks after reading three different articles telling you that you’ve been doing thirty things wrong this entire time, and by your calculations led you to realize your children are royally doomed for the rest of their lives.

We live in a time of the great debates— and I’m not talking presidential debates. I’m talking about society's great debates about parenthood: vax vs. anti-vax, breast vs. bottle, public school vs. homeschool, formula, cry it out vs. co-sleep, front-facing or rear-facing, organic or non-organic, college-level preschool or play-based learning, screen time or no screen time. And the list goes on, and on, and on... It’s endless and it is simply taxing on the already very weary soul of a parent.

Now, we feel this urge to shame, condemn and criticize other mothers. But it hurts so much when it happens to us. We share because we want to feel that sense of community, but then we constantly feel led to defend the things we do and the choices we make. Rest assured, I will not throw stones at glass houses because I have the ability to see my own flaws, and I’ve ridden the guilty bus a time or two. But flaws, flaws are something that every single living, breathing, walking, talking human, parent, mother, and father have, they've always been there woven into our personal DNA. But today – in this generation – it feels like each and every one of these flaws is magnified in a way they have never been before. Furthermore, our shortcomings and personal choices are also picked apart and set center stage for mass criticism. Even more painfully, these choices can be silently mocked or judged with disapproving eyes.

I wish for the times of a ‘village’ in support of the greater good which is- surviving while our children are thriving. For once, can’t we go back to a time when surviving meant serving up a pitcher of red kool-aid on a warm day just to see some happy stained smiles, letting your child play with and drink from the garden hose without worrying about lead exposure, letting your kids paint each other from head-to-toe because it keeps them happy, packing simple lunches in a brown paper bag without any fancy faces, serving up fruit snacks without have to apologize or explain, using timeouts and accountability consequences, allowing your child to watch two movies in one day because you need a mental health break,  having a hidden pack of strawberry mentos in your bag for emergencies, and serving Fruit Loops for dinner when dad is working late. Can’t we go back to a time when thriving simply meant just being a remarkably average parent, instead of an exhausted superhero with a worn out cape?

We all crave community, acceptance, and understanding with a side serving of grace. Let your children be children a little while longer – and be proud of that. We are all just trying to survive. So, gift others around you with empathy. Be understanding of differences. Be a friend to someone who needs a friend. Be kind to your fellow mothers and fathers. Be humble, please. Be compassionate and caring. Let's be a village in support of all of the other villagers.